


the one where roy has really bad timing (but ed loves him anyway)

by mustardbastard



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Adult Edward Elric, Alive Greed (Fullmetal Alchemist), Edward Elric Swears, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Weddings, and ed has automail and alchemy, did author take that one AWE swanturner scene & edroy it?, ed's bad luck, god it's fucking 5am im so tired, greed swears too, roy has one eye, roy's bad timing, vague nebulous fma au, where og greed is alive, yes the author did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-27 13:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19013971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mustardbastard/pseuds/mustardbastard
Summary: aka that scene from pirates of the caribbean: at world's end where will proposes & gets married to elizabeth in the middle of a battle (but ed & roy aren't pirates. unfortunately.) (ft. greed as barbossa.)





	the one where roy has really bad timing (but ed loves him anyway)

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in like.... a lil over 90 minutes, probably? & it probably shows lmao  
> it's like 5:30 am, & I did my best to edit this, but I may not have caught everything. i'll comb over it again once ive gotten some sleep. ...maybe.  
> some dialogue is taken directly from AWE or tweaked just slightly to add more swearing into it  
> god I fucking hate writing fighting scenes & this entire thing is in a fight WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF  
> ed's like.... early 20s in this probs  
> uhh ya that's abt it ig  
> have fun lol
> 
> edit 5/29 4pm: went thru & fixed errors.

Ed’s boyfriend really has the worst timing.

 

He loves him, he really does, so much that it _aches_ sometimes, but seriously. Who the fuck proposes when they’re in the midst of a battle?!

 

They’re in the middle of fighting off a team of rogue alchemists—what should normally be nothing for Fullmetal and Flame, but it’s currently raining, rendering Roy’s flame alchemy nearly useless, as the rain just puts the fire out before it can be of any real deterrence, and Ed is injured, a bitch of a stab wound in his side.

 

Oh.

 

And the rogue alchemists have a horde of chimaeras on their side as well.

 

So, all in all, not the easiest fight of their lives. But Ed’ll be damned if it’s their last.

 

Roy, apparently, on the other hand, has decided now is the perfect time to get romantic and sappy.

 

Ed’s just finished a transmutation, an instinctual clap-and-slam of his palms to the ground, to hit a group of chimaeras that were aiming for Roy’s blind spot. And then Roy’s shouting at him over the clamor of the battle, “Edward! Will you marry me?”

 

Ed whips around, kicking one of the alchemists in the side of his head with his automail foot, and stares at his boyfriend incredulously before turning back around and performing another transmutation.

 

“Are you fucking insane, Mustang?! Now’s _not_ the time for your damn sappiness!”

 

“Au contraire, my love,” and Ed regrets ever teaching him that phrase, “now may be our only time!”

 

Neither of them have a chance to continue the conversation for a few minutes, both too busy trying to defend themselves.

 

Punch. Strike. Clap-and-slam. Flip and kick.

 

Ed knows they aren’t immortal, aren’t like the homunculi, but _damn_ are chimaera hard to beat. At least none of them look like Nina, look _human_. It makes it easier to stomach, taking them down and not necessarily being careful to avoid killing them. It’s not like Ed really has a choice in the matter―if these shits aren’t killed, they don’t stay down for long, and will keep attacking until they fall apart in a pile of flesh and bone and whatever other animal traits they have.

 

Ed flips back, doing a handspring―which _shit_ , pulls on his wound like a motherfucker―and lands, moving until he’s back-to-back with his boyfriend. Roy snaps, sending out a burst of flame that thankfully doesn’t immediately fizzle out this time, and turns, gripping Ed’s arm.

 

“I love you. And I’ve made my choice. What’s yours?”

 

Ed doesn’t respond at first, mind racing so fast it’s blank. The chimaera have started closing in again and he’s sure that the alchemists are busy drawing transmutation circles and he has to make a choice about getting married _now?!_ Damn Roy to Hell!

 

He turns his head and shouts “Greed!” at the top of his lungs. Because Greed’s with them too on this mission. They had run into the homunculus during their initial scope of the place and he had stuck around, content to annoy Ed. And then, as things are wont to do when Ed’s involved, shit had gone way fucking south and the fighting started. Ed’s thankful Greed’s on their side, even if he is annoying―his ‘Ultimate Shield’ and regeneration powers are damn useful.

 

Roy stares at Ed dubiously.

 

Greed shouts back from where he’s currently gone full-shield, chimaera trying and failing to sink their teeth and claws into him. “What’d’ya want brat? Kinda busy here!”

 

“Marry us!” Ed shouts. And Roy better not make Ed regret this, because if he does, Ed will make him a sorry man.

 

“I _just_ said I’m a little busy!”

 

And now there’s no time. Their temporary break has ended.

 

Ed ducks to the ground, rolling away, and stretches out his leg to trip the oncoming chimaera. And then he claps and extends his automail hand into its familiar blade counterpart, striking out and yanking when he feels it get lodged in their flesh. It tears and― _ugh, gross_ ―blood sprays onto Ed, covering his hair and dripping into his face. Fuck.

 

“Greed,” Roy yells over the sound of his gun fire, “now would be nice!”

 

“Fuck, you humans really have the worst timing,” Greed mutters, just barely loud enough for Ed to hear it. “Fine!” The homunculus continues fighting, taking out three chimaera with one punch, and destroying the chalk-drawn lines of the transmutation circles moments away from being activated near him with his foot. “Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today, on this _fucking_ ―” a punch “ _joyous_ ―” a kick and a snap of a neck “ _occassion, to_ ―”. Whatever else Greed was going to say gets cut off, or drowned out, Ed can’t really tell which, by the sound of the ground rising up around him and trapping him in a cage. Shit. Ed doesn’t have time to worry about that right now though―and it’s not like he has to worry, Greed can punch his way out.

 

And now there’s an alchemist rushing towards Ed, and it looks like he’s one of the smart ones, with pre-done transmutation circles stitched onto gloves. He claps and Ed claps, but neither of them have time to activate their transmutations because a line of fire flies past Ed, turning the rogue alchemist into a charred one.

 

Roy leaps over to Ed, somehow managing to not skid or fall in the slippery mud. “Edward Elric, do you take me to be your husband?” They’re facing each other, nearly chest-to-chest, and _shit,_ there’s another chimaera. Ed takes out his gun from its holster and fires over Roy’s shoulder.

 

“Fuck, of course, you bastard! ‘ _I do_ ’, or whatever.”

 

Roy grins at him, one eye crinkling in joy. “Great.”

 

They both move, switching positions so they’re back-to-back again. Roy alternates between using his gun and his flames, while Ed keeps firing his pistol, knocking the chimaera down one by one.

 

“Roy Mustang, do you take me to be your husband?―” Ed tosses over his shoulder before chucking his empty gun at a chimaera’s head and crouching down to clap-and-slam again. “In sickness and in health?―” He tumbles, rolling forward and striking out with his foot. He pulls out his spare gun―silently, he thanks Hawkeye for insisting he carry _at least_ two―and fires off a shot, “in automail and flesh?―”, he fires off two more shots. Ed rolls back towards Roy, who snaps out a circle of fire with one hand and helps Ed up with the other.

 

“I do,” he says, Ed’s hand still gripped tightly in his, lone onyx eye staring into Ed’s intensely.

 

Greed’s apparently broken himself out of his prison, for Ed can hear him shout something indistinctly.

 

“You may kiss―!”

 

Fucking _finally_ they’re at this part.

 

But kissing Roy―his husband!―will have to wait.

 

Still holding Roy’s hand, Ed whips around and fires off more shots at the oncoming chimaeras. And then he promptly runs out of ammo again. Fucking Christ, can Ed just catch a damn break for once?

 

Greed yells again, “you may kiss!” and that sounds nice and all, and Ed really would like to kiss Roy, but _fuck_ ―there’s no time.

 

He lets go of Roy’s hand and turns his automail into a blade again and dives into the frenzy, striking and tearing and _fighting_. From what he can see, Roy’s doing the same.

 

“Just fucking kiss already!”

 

“Fuck off, Greed!” Ed shouts back. He has to fight, fight fightfight, _fight_ to protect himself and Roy. He spins around, ready to take on another opponent, but Roy is there instead. Ed gives in. “Fuck, I guess there’s no time like the present.” He surges up, clenching Roy’s shirt in his left fist and kisses him. Roy cups Ed’s face, deepening the kiss, and it’s all Ed can do to not lose himself in it, to not lose himself in _Roy_.

 

Fuck, Ed loves this bastard.

 

Eventually, they part, too soon for either of their liking, Ed is sure, and rejoin the battle.

 

“Greed,” Ed can hear Roy cheerfully exclaim, “I’m married!” Ed rolls his eyes. His husband is such a _sap_.

 

“Fucking know you are, I just married you!” Greed yells in reply.

 

The chimaera seem to just keep coming, but their numbers are steadily dwindling, and there aren’t that many alchemists left, most either lying on the ground or having run away.

 

Speaking of runaway alchemists…

 

“Roy! I’m gonna go take care of these fuckers! You and Greed handle the chimaeras!”

 

“Got it,” Roy replies. “Be careful! Love you! Start thinking about where we should honeymoon!”

 

Ed sighs. “Love you too, asshole. Save that conversation for when we’re _not_ in the middle of fighting, though! _You_ start thinking of how to explain to Al that he missed our wedding!” He dashes off before he can hear if Roy quips back or not.

 

Honeymoon, hmm? Not to let himself get distracted, but Ed hears Aerugo is nice this time of year…

**Author's Note:**

> kudos/comments/etc are appreciated but not required!  
> hope u enjoyed!!  
> <3
> 
> edit:  
> also!! if any of u are gonna be at sacanime in like, a week & a half, i'll be there if u wanna say hi & scream abt fma/royed w/ me!! i'll probably be dressed as either a fem kaneki ken or as marceline from AT (in which case i'll be carrying around a giant cardboard axe bass guitar LOL). my (dead) IG is hakvryvv for face ref lmao


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